Okay, so we all know the elections are coming up in November, and Mitt Romney will be running. Now, I really think he shouldn’t win. He’s against everything post 13the century but the technology. But that’s nothing compared to the truth I’m going to reveal to you now…
So, lets start off simple. He is named Mitt. What type of people in the right mind would name their child Mitt? Unless he didn’t have parents— he was born as an oven mitt!
He used to be an oven mitt, but due to an alien abduction hidden by the government, he was turned into a human!
Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t want an article of clothing running my country. He’ll try to start passing laws which disallow oven mitts, as it’s cruel to his people. Then it’ll get even more extreme… No clothes touching any man or woman’s genitals, under penalty of life in prison for rape/molestation. These two laws will combine to make sure that there is a much higher birth rate for humans, creating nationwide poverty and starvation, due to overpopulation; No condoms may be worn, preventing most sex. Men might be saying “So what? I can just **********!”, but that’s where you’re wrong! The lack of oven mitts will result in badly burned hands, preventing any form of self-pleasure, forcing men to give in to their urges by having intercourse! Once this has been done, he will move on to the next country with a different persona (blazer grabeson, Hat Hertzton?) and continue his reign of terror, until every country abolishes voting and monarchies Once those rulers die, Mitt (Or possibly Boot at that time) will rise up above the world, with the richest countries with the most well trained armies (US, UK, Germany) completely obliterated due to hunger, and RULE OVER THE WORLD!!!
So please, for all of humanity’s sake, Don’t vote for romney. Vote for Obama. He’s pretty good, and has given us a few neat rage faces!